Parnassus on Wheels Page 2

  “Well, Mr. Mifflin,” I said, “if you want to stay around I guess I can’t stop you. But I’m sorry you and your old Parnassus ever came this way.”

  I turned on my heel and went back to the kitchen. I knew pretty well that Andrew would go up in the air when he saw that wagonload of books and one of those crazy cards with Mr. Mifflin’s poetry on it.

  I must confess that I was considerably upset. Andrew is just as unpractical and fanciful as a young girl, and always dreaming of new adventures and rambles around the country. If he ever saw that travelling Parnassus he’d fall for it like snap. And I knew Mr. Decameron was after him for a new book anyway. (I’d intercepted one of his letters suggesting another “Happiness and Hayseed” trip just a few weeks before. Andrew was away when the letter came. I had a suspicion what was in it; so I opened it, read it, and—well, burnt it. Heavens! as though Andrew didn’t have enough to do without mooning down the road like a tinker, just to write a book about it.)

  As I worked around the kitchen I could see Mr. Mifflin making himself at home. He unhitched his horse, tied her up to the fence, sat down by the wood pile, and lit a pipe. I could see I was in for it. By and by I couldn’t stand it any longer. I went out to talk to that bald-headed pedlar.

  “See here,” I said. “You’re a pretty cool fish to make yourself so easy in my yard. I tell you I don’t want you around here, you and your travelling parcheesi. Suppose you clear out of here before my brother gets back and don’t be breaking up our happy family.”

  “Miss McGill,” he said (the man had a pleasant way with him, too—darn him—with his bright, twinkling eye and his silly little beard), “I’m sure I don’t want to be discourteous. If you move me on from here, of course I’ll go; but I warn you I shall lie in wait for Mr. McGill just down this road. I’m here to sell this caravan of culture, and by the bones of Swinburne I think your brother’s the man to buy it.”

  My blood was up now, and I’ll admit that I said my next without proper calculation.

  “Rather than have Andrew buy your old parcheesi,” I said, “I’ll buy it myself. I’ll give you $300 for it.”

  The little man’s face brightened. He didn’t either accept or decline my offer. (I was frightened to death that he’d take me right on the nail and bang would go my three years’ savings for a Ford.)

  “Come and have another look at her,” he said.

  I must admit that Mr. Roger Mifflin had fixed up his van mighty comfortably inside. The body of the wagon was built out on each side over the wheels, which gave it an unwieldy appearance but made extra room for the bookshelves. This left an inside space about five feet wide and nine long. On one side he had a little oil stove, a flap table, and a cozy-looking bunk above which was built a kind of chest of drawers—to hold clothes and such things, I suppose; on the other side more bookshelves, a small table, and a little wicker easy chair. Every possible inch of space seemed to be made useful in some way, for a shelf or a hook or a hanging cupboard or something. Above the stove was a neat little row of pots and dishes and cooking usefuls. The raised skylight made it just possible to stand upright in the centre aisle of the van; and a little sliding window opened onto the driver’s seat in front. Altogether it was a very neat affair. The windows in front and back were curtained and a pot of geraniums stood on a diminutive shelf. I was amused to see a sandy Irish terrier curled up on a bright Mexican blanket in the bunk.

  “Miss McGill,” he said, “I couldn’t sell Parnassus for less than four hundred. I’ve put twice that much into her, one time and another. She’s built clean and solid all through, and there’s everything a man would need from blankets to bouillon cubes. The whole thing’s yours for $400—including dog, cook stove, and everything—jib, boom, and spanker. There’s a tent in a sling underneath, and an ice box (he pulled up a little trap door under the bunk) and a tank of coal oil and Lord knows what all. She’s as good as a yacht; but I’m tired of her. If you’re so afraid of your brother taking a fancy to her, why don’t you buy her yourself and go off on a lark? Make him stay home and mind the farm! … Tell you what I’ll do. I’ll start you on the road myself, come with you the first day and show you how it’s worked. You could have the time of your life in this thing, and give yourself a fine vacation. It would give your brother a good surprise, too. Why not?”

  I don’t know whether it was the neatness of his absurd little van, or the madness of the whole proposition, or just the desire to have an adventure of my own and play a trick on Andrew, but anyway, some extraordinary impulse seized me and I roared with laughter.

  “Right!” I said. “I’ll do it.”

  I, Helen McGill, in the thirty-ninth year of my age!

  III

  “Well,” I thought, “if I’m in for an adventure I may as well be spry about it. Andrew’ll be home by half-past twelve and if I’m going to give him the slip I’d better get a start. I suppose he’ll think I’m crazy! He’ll follow me, I guess. Well, he just shan’t catch me, that’s all!” A kind of anger came over me to think that I’d been living on that farm for nearly fifteen years—yes, sir, ever since I was twenty-five—and hardly ever been away except for that trip to Boston once a year to go shopping with cousin Edie. I’m a home-keeping soul, I guess, and I love my kitchen and my preserve cupboard and my linen closet as well as grandmother ever did, but something in that blue October air and that crazy little red-bearded man just tickled me.

  “Look here, Mr. Parnassus,” I said, “I guess I’m a fat old fool but I just believe I’ll do that. You hitch up your horse and van and I’ll go pack some clothes and write you a check. It’ll do Andrew all the good in the world to have me skip. I’ll get a chance to read a few books, too. It’ll be as good as going to college!” And I untied my apron and ran for the house. The little man stood leaning against a corner of the van as if he were stupefied. I dare say he was.

  I ran into the house through the front door, and it struck me as comical to see a copy of one of Andrew’s magazines lying on the living-room table with “The Revolt of Womanhood” printed across it in red letters. “Here goes for the revolt of Helen McGill,” I thought. I sat down at Andrew’s desk, pushed aside a pad of notes he had been jotting down about “the magic of autumn,” and scrawled a few lines:

  DEAR ANDREW,

  Don’t be thinking I’m crazy. I’ve gone off for an adventure. It just came over me that you’ve had all the adventures while I’ve been at home baking bread. Mrs. McNally will look after your meals and one of her girls can come over to do the housework. So don’t worry. I’m going off for a little while—a month, maybe—to see some of this happiness and hayseed of yours. It’s what the magazines call the revolt of womanhood. Warm underwear in the cedar chest in the spare room when you need it.

  With love,

  HELEN.

  I left the note on his desk.

  Mrs. McNally was bending over the tubs in the laundry. I could see only the broad arch of her back and hear the vigorous zzzzzzz of her rubbing. She straightened up at my call.

  “Mrs. McNally,” I said, “I’m going away for a little trip. You’d better let the washing go until this afternoon and get Andrew’s dinner for him. He’ll be back about twelve-thirty. It’s half-past ten now. You tell him I’ve gone over to see Mrs. Collins at Locust Farm.”

  Mrs. McNally is a brawny, slow-witted Swede. “All right Mis’ McGill,” she said. “You be back to denner?”

  “No, I’m not coming back for a month,” I said. “I’m going away for a trip. I want you to send Rosie over here every day to do the housework while I’m away. You can arrange with Mr. McGill about that. I’ve got to hurry now.”

  Mrs. McNally’s honest eyes, as blue as Copenhagen china, gazing through the window in perplexity, fell upon the travelling Parnassus and Mr. Mifflin backing Pegasus into the shafts. I saw her make a valiant effort to comprehend the sign painted on the side of the van—and give it up.

  “You going driving?” she said blankly.

 
“Yes,” I said, and fled upstairs.

  I always keep my bank book in an old Huyler box in the top drawer of my bureau. I don’t save very quickly, I’m afraid. I have a little income from some money father left me, but Andrew takes care of that. Andrew pays all the farm expenses, but the housekeeping accounts fall to me. I make a fairish amount of pin money on my poultry and some of my preserves that I send to Boston, and on some recipes of mine that I send to a woman’s magazine now and then; but generally my savings don’t amount to much over $10 a month. In the last five years I had put by something more than $600. I had been saving up for a Ford. But just now it looked to me as if that Parnassus would be more fun than a Ford ever could be. Four hundred dollars was a lot of money, but I thought of what it would mean to have Andrew come home and buy it. Why, he’d be away until Thanksgiving! Whereas if I bought it I could take it away, have my adventure, and sell it somewhere so that Andrew never need see it. I hardened my heart and determined to give the Sage of Redfield some of his own medicine.

  My balance at the Redfield National Bank was $615.20. I sat down at the table in my bedroom where I keep my accounts and wrote out a check to Roger Mifflin for $400. I put in plenty of curlicues after the figures so that no one could raise the check into $400,000; then I got out my old rattan suit case and put in some clothes. The whole business didn’t take me ten minutes. I came downstairs to find Mrs. McNally looking sourly at the Parnassus from the kitchen door.

  “You going away in that—that ‘bus, Mis’ McGill?” she asked.

  “Yes, Mrs. McNally,” I said cheerfully. Her use of the word gave me an inspiration. “That’s one of the new jitney ’buses we hear about. He’s going to take me to the station. Don’t you worry about me. I’m going for a holiday. You get Mr. McGill’s dinner ready for him. After dinner tell him there’s a note for him in the living-room.” “I tank that bane a queer ‘bus,” said Mrs. McNally, puzzled. I think the excellent woman suspected an elopement.

  I carried my suit case out to the Parnassus. Pegasus stood placidly between the shafts. From within came sounds of vigorous movement. In a moment the little man burst out with a bulging portmanteau in his hand. He had a tweed cap slanted on the back of his head.

  “There!” he cried triumphantly. “I’ve packed all my personal effects—clothes and so on—and everything else goes with the transaction. When I get on the train with this bag I’m a free man, and hurrah for Brooklyn! Lord, won’t I be glad to get back to the city! I lived in Brooklyn once, and I haven’t been back there for ten years,” he added plaintively.

  “Here’s the check,” I said, handing it to him. He flushed a little, and looked at me rather shamefacedly. “See here,” he said, “I hope you’re not making a bad bargain? I don’t want to take advantage of a lady. If you think your brother.…”

  “I was going to buy a Ford, anyway,” I said, “and it looks to me as though this parcheesi of yours would be cheaper to run than any flivver that ever came out of Detroit. I want to keep it away from Andrew and that’s the main thing. You give me a receipt and we’ll get away from here before he comes back.”

  He took the check without a word, hoisted his fat portmanteau on the driver’s seat, and then disappeared in the van. In a minute he reappeared. On the back of one of his poetical cards he had written:

  Received from Miss McGill the sum of four hundred dollars in exchange for one Travelling Parnassus in first class condition, delivered to her this day, October 3rd, 19—.

  Signed

  ROGER MIFFLIN.

  “Tell me,” I said, “does your Parnassus—_my_ Parnassus, rather—contain everything I’m likely to need? Is it stocked up with food and so on?”

  “I was coming to that,” he said. “You’ll find a fair supply of stuff in the cupboard over the stove, though I used to get most of my meals at farmhouses along the road. I generally read aloud to people as I go along, and they’re often good for a free meal. It’s amazing how little most of the country folk know about books, and how pleased they are to hear good stuff. Down in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.…”

  “Well, how about the horse?” I said hastily, seeing him about to embark on an anecdote. It wasn’t far short of eleven o’clock, and I was anxious to get started.

  “It might be well to take along some oats. My supply’s about exhausted.”

  I filled a sack with oats in the stable and Mr. Mifflin showed me where to hang it under the van. Then in the kitchen I loaded a big basket with provisions for an emergency: a dozen eggs, a jar of sliced bacon, butter, cheese, condensed milk, tea, biscuits, jam, and two loaves of bread. These Mr. Mifflin stowed inside the van, Mrs. McNally watching in amazement.

  “I tank this bane a queer picnic!” she said. “Which way you going? Mr. McGill, is he coming after you?”

  “No,” I insisted, “he’s not coming. I’m going off on a holiday. You get dinner for him and he won’t worry about anything until after that. Tell him I’ve gone over to see Mrs. Collins.”

  I climbed the little steps and entered my Parnassus with a pleasant thrill of ownership. The terrier on the bunk jumped to the floor with a friendly wag of the tail. I piled the bunk with bedding and blankets of my own, shook out the drawers which fitted above the bunk, and put into them what few belongings I was taking with me. And we were ready to start.

  Redbeard was already sitting in front with the reins in hand. I climbed up beside him. The front seat was broad but uncushioned, well sheltered by the peak of the van. I gave a quick glance around at the comfortable house under its elms and maples—saw the big, red barn shining in the sun and the pump under the grape arbour. I waved good-bye to Mrs. McNally who was watching us in silent amazement. Pegasus threw her solid weight against the traces and Parnassus swung round and rolled past the gate. We turned into the Redfield road.

  “Here,” said Mifflin, handing me the reins, “you’re skipper, you’d better drive. Which way do you want to go?”

  My breath came a little fast when I realized that my adventure had begun!

  IV

  Just out of sight of the farm the road forks, one way running on to Walton where you cross the river by a covered bridge, the other swinging down toward Greenbriar and Port Vigor. Mrs. Collins lives a mile or so up the Walton road, and as I very often run over to see her I thought Andrew would be most likely to look for me there. So, after we had passed through the grove, I took the right-hand turn to Greenbriar. We began the long ascent over Huckleberry Hill and as I smelt the fresh autumn odour of the leaves I chuckled a little.

  Mr. Mifflin seemed in a perfect ecstasy of high spirits. “This is certainly grand,” he said. “Lord, I applaud your spunk. Do you think Mr. McGill will give chase?”

  “I haven’t an idea,” I said. “Not right away, anyhow. He’s so used to my settled ways that I don’t think he’ll suspect anything till he finds my note. I wonder what kind of story Mrs. McNally will tell!”

  “How about putting him off the scent?” he said. “Give me your handkerchief.”

  I did so. He hopped nimbly out, ran back down the hill (he was a spry little person in spite of his bald crown), and dropped the handkerchief on the Walton Road about a hundred feet beyond the fork. Then he followed me up the slope.

  “There,” he said, grinning like a kid, “that’ll fool him. The Sage of Redfield will undoubtedly follow a false spoor and the criminals will win a good start. But I’m afraid it’s rather easy to follow a craft as unusual as Parnassus.”

  “Tell me how you manage the thing,” I said. “Do you really make it pay?” We halted at the top of the hill to give Pegasus a breathing space. The terrier lay down in the dust and watched us gravely. Mr. Mifflin pulled out a pipe and begged my permission to smoke.

  “It’s rather comical how I first got into it,” he said. “I was a school teacher down in Maryland. I’d been plugging away in a country school for years, on a starvation salary. I was trying to support an invalid mother, and put by something in case of storms. I
remember how I used to wonder whether I’d ever be able to wear a suit that wasn’t shabby and have my shoes polished every day. Then my health went back on me. The doctor told me to get into the open air. By and by I got this idea of a travelling bookstore. I had always been a lover of books, and in the days when I boarded out among the farmers I used to read aloud to them. After my mother died I built the wagon to suit my own ideas, bought a stock of books from a big second-hand store in Baltimore, and set out. Parnassus just about saved my life I guess.”

  He pushed his faded old cap back on his head and relit his pipe. I clicked to Pegasus and we rumbled gently off over the upland, looking down across the pastures. Distant cow bells sounded tankle-tonk among the bushes. Across the slope of the hill I could see the road winding away to Redfield. Somewhere along that road Andrew would be rolling back toward home and roast pork with apple sauce; and here was I, setting out on the first madness of my life without even a qualm.

  “Miss McGill,” said the little man, “this rolling pavilion has been wife, doctor, and religion to me for seven years. A month ago I would have scoffed at the thought of leaving her; but somehow it’s come over me I need a change. There’s a book I’ve been yearning to write for a long time, and I need a desk steady under my elbows and a roof over my head. And silly as it seems, I’m crazy to get back to Brooklyn. My brother and I used to live there as kids. Think of walking over the old Bridge at sunset and seeing the towers of Manhattan against a red sky! And those old gray cruisers down in the Navy Yard! You don’t know how tickled I am to sell out. I’ve sold a lot of copies of your brother’s books and I’ve often thought he’d be the man to buy Parnassus if I got tired of her.”

  “So he would,” I said. “Just the man. He’d be only too likely to—and go maundering about in this jaunting car and neglect the farm. But tell me about selling books. How much profit do you make out of it? We’ll be passing Mrs. Mason’s farm, by and by, and we might as well sell her something just to make a start.”